As the Trump/Russia plot thickens, it appears as though there are early signs of what the majority of our country as well as the entire world have been begging for. One way or another, everyone wants to wake up from this nightmare with a new President. A normal President. A safe President. A leader who will put our country’s best interests first and who will protect all American citizens. A leader that we can trust.
While it has become pretty clear that this does not describe Donald Trump, his removal from office posses a threat that is potentially more dangerous than the joke that we elected. Mike fucking Pence.
From my very loose understanding of our political system, I believe that if Trump dies, resigns, is removed or impeached from office, or for some other reason is no longer our President, the Vice President takes over (thanks CT Public Schools). Next in line for the throne is former Governor of Indiana, Mike Pence.
The general consensus seems to basically feel that at this point a walrus would be a better POTUS than the Donald. Anyone or anything to get that orange stain off of our flag. However, it is important to understand the man who we get in return for sending Trump back to the depths of hell.
Pence is a lunatic. Trump is a racist narcissist with special interests oozing out of his artificially tanned body. But Pence is straight up insane. A mad man. Here are a few of his stances.
Abortion:
Pence is against abortion to the point that he targeted planned parenthood. He closed so many of them down in Indiana, that he caused an HIV epidemic in one county there.
LGBT:
Pence passed an aggressive law giving shop owners and businesses the right to refuse service to anyone who is a member of the LGBT community. He also refused federal funding to help people with HIV and AIDS. The only way he would allow funding for their treatment is if they attend government-run programs that basically try to convince people to be straight. Guy was using people’s ailments to blackmail them into some pray away the gay program. He even advocated the use of shock therapy to help turn people straight. Brickleberry made an episode like this as a joke but this is actually what our potential future President believes.
Immigration:
Pence proposes possibly the most ridiculous immigration plan ever. He basically wants illegal immigrants to self deport themselves saying that he will then let them back in legally. The plan doesn’t include giving them citizenship either so I don’t even really understand it. Is it just a trick to get them onto the other side of that glorious wall that’s in the works? If so, bravo. Although I don’t think anybody is stupid enough to self deport themselves especially with the current regime that we have in office here in the US.
Long story short, Trump may be back in his tower soon enough, getting pissed on more than two newlyweds on their honeymoon in the Bahamas during jellyfish season. But where exactly would that leave our country? Well, anyone who isn’t a devout radical Christian might be getting pissed on too.
By: Chris Sanfilippo
BUSCH LEAGUE CHAMPS 